Sunday, 24 July 2016

Depression and I

Dear reader

Where do I begin? Years ago I created this blog as a space for me to express myself when I was in a dark place. Anxiety consumed my life, and blogging gave me back some of the self worth that I was lacking so heavily. And so I am here again, in a dark place. And I am choosing to write about it in such a public way because I do not know what else to do.
      Depression has taken hold of me with both hands and shaken me up and now I am struggling, so much, to cope with my life. The confidence I worked so hard to pull back has been snatched away from me. I feel incredibly alone despite the support network I have and I am so, so incredibly tired. And so, I turn to my old friend, the blog. A new name and a new start and a blank page. Not to try and cure depression or anxiety, just to give me a distraction, a focus, a place to write, share photos, regain a part of me I feel like I've lost.
    I know this is a battle so many people are fighting. I am lucky. People want to help, they are doing everything they can. I just have to help myself a little too. Mental illness is so easily brushed under the carpet and it terrifies me to put myself in a position where I am vulnerable. But no one can judge me as much as I can judge myself, so why the fuck not?
    The first blank page is filled, let's see where this takes me.